


Burning (Quietly)

by supergayheros



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Camping, Canon Trans Character, Depression, Getting Together, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 16:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19872571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergayheros/pseuds/supergayheros
Summary: He's in the back seat of the overly warm and cramped car, on his way to a campground with the boys. David sits to his other side, headphones on and staring out his own window.Matteo's own personal sun. Matteo tries not to look at David too often or for too long. He's heard all about how looking straight at the sun can damage your eyes. Truthfully, he knows what he's really trying to avoid damaging. Their friendship.





	Burning (Quietly)

**Author's Note:**

> An Au in which David became friends with the boy squad before getting together with Matteo and the boys decide to go camping. Also David was never outed and everyone graduated because I said so.

Matteo never really thought much about what life would be like after graduation. For a long time he couldn't even think past the next day. When it got really bad, past the next minute. So he’s not entirely sure if this is how he would have pictured it. 

He's in the back seat of the overly warm and cramped car, on his way to a campground with the boys. The radio is on low, playing some pop song Matteo doesn't know the name of, but has a vague theme of summer and parties and girls. Jonas and Abdi are talking over it anyway- sitting driver and shotgun respectively. Matteo isn't paying much attention to their conversation, too busy zoning out, watching the pavement disappear under them. Carlos is asleep, snoring and drooling, legs draped all over Matteo's and head leaning against the door. He's gonna have the worst crick in his neck when he wakes up. Matteo can't find it in his heart to feel bad for him. The bastards legs are heavy.

David sits to his other side, headphones on and staring out his own window. The suns coming through the glass, bright and warm. It makes a sort of soft yellow halo around David. His hair, his skin, glowing angelically under the light. He looks bright and warm too- Matteo's own personal sun. Matteo tries not to look at David too often or for too long. He's heard all about how looking straight at the sun can damage your eyes. Truthfully, he knows what he's really trying to avoid damaging. Their friendship.

Matteo doesn't know why he's cursed to keep falling for his friends. But what he does know is that after the disaster that was the Jonas and Hanna break up, Matteo needs to keep his emotions and actions in check. He doesn't need to almost ruin another close friendship over a stupid crush. A crush that he just knows will be unrequited. The only good thing to come from this trend of falling for his friends is that it helped Matteo finally come to terms with the fact that he's gay.

And it hadn't even been the feelings. Not really. Matteo could explain away the warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach that came whenever David was near. He was just a good friend, he told himself, good friends make you feel that way. It was normal. But then came the possessiveness, and the lying, just like with Jonas.

_ "You know your friend David?" Sara had asked him one night, laying around in Matteo's bed. Being on the bed with her had always made him nervous. But he could never find a valid reason for them not to be there. _

_ "I'm familiar yes." Matteo answered with a roll of his eyes, earning himself a light smack on his arm. Sara's hand rested where she had assaulted second prior. She rubbed circles into his skin in a way that had intended to be soothing. Matteo had not felt soothed. _

_ "Well me and Leonie have gym with him you know? And well. Does he have a girlfriend? Leonie and David have been talking and she really likes him but is too afraid to ask." And the more she said the more Matteo could feel his stomach twist. _

_ "He has a girlfriend," Matteo said without a second thought. "Her name is Laura." _

Matteo knew it was bullshit. He knew Laura was David's older sister. And afterwards he couldn't explain it away to himself. Why had the idea of Leonie and David together make him feel sick to his stomach? Why did he lie? Bro's we're supposed to help each other get girls, not run them all away with words of fake girlfriends. 

It told Matteo more about himself then a million 'am I gay' quizzes ever could. The lying, the manipulation. Its was just like before, with Jonas. And at that point he knew. Because twice might be a coincidence, but he wasn't going to wait for weird feelings for Abdi or Carlos to sprout up before he started seeing the pattern. 

Carlos snores beside him, loud and incessant, and Matteo cringes at the mere thought.

So no more pretending to be straight. Trying to trick himself and others by dating Sara. No more isolating himself from the people who love him and lashing out when they got too close to the truth. No more lying. No more secrets. Well, all except for one teeny tiny crush. But Matteo could live with that. Could live with the unrequited.

He had to. 

Matteo's eyes drift back to David, magnetic. He'll need sunglasses soon. 

It takes what feels like forever to get to the campground. When the group finally arrives, Abdi is the first one out of the car, sprinting headlong towards the trees and yelling about needing to piss. The rest of the boys amble out a little more leisurely. Carlos stretches his body this way and that while Jonas and David go straight to the trunk of the car. 

Matteo stands and surveys the area. It's all dense trees as far as he can see. A thin trail leads into the campground itself. They'll have to walk a bit to where they can set up camp. Nature and bugs and walking and sleeping on the ground. The thought makes Matteo question the very idea of camping in general, and how anyone would want to subject themselves to it willingly. Why did he subject himself to it willingly?

"Hey Matteo," Jonas calls. "Get your ass over here and help us with the bags." 

Matteo sighs and looks over towards his friends, all with bags in hand. Right. That was why. These idiots had talked him into it.

"Why couldn't we have just gotten black out drunk like everyone else celebrating graduation?" Matteo whines while accepting the bag that's hefted onto him. 

"Oh shut up. You're gonna love it." David shoots back. He's carrying more than any of them, two bags and a cooler, always competitive about the silliest things.

Just then Abdi comes running back, tripping slightly while he tries to zip up his pants. The boys finally get all their equipment out of the car and set off, bumping and teasing each other as they go. It doesn't take long for them to find the perfect spot to set up camp- a large flat area of land with a fire pit and a picnic table that's not far from the lake. Teams are quickly divided to try and get everything set up as quick as possible. If camp isn't set before the sun disappears completely they'll really be fucked. 

They brought with them two tents, one slightly bigger than the other. Jonas, Abdi, and Carlos start straight in, the three of them trying to put together the larger tent. David looks over the directions for a moment before getting started. Matteo does what he's told, knowing that's as much help as he can possibly be in this situation. With David's direction the two get their tent up rather quickly and without much hassle. Matteo and David high five and grin at each other, feeling triumphant over their small victory.

"Oh Jesus Christ," David laughs, looking away from their own job well done and over to the other boys. The second tent is still very much not a tent and more just a tarp and some loose poles. And the three idiots trying to assemble it are really just swearing and throwing things at each other more than they are doing any actual assembling. David rolls his eyes as he goes over to intervene. Matteo offers moral support and a sarcastic thumbs up while David rangles the group of dumbasses. Thankfully he catches them before anything can get broken, and the second tent gets pitched much like the first.

"So Carlos, Abdi and Jonas can take the big tent. And me and Matteo will sleep in the other one" David states when everything finally set, the sun slowly disappearing behind the trees. A small campfire is going, also courtesy of David. The five of them are sitting around the flames and drinking, Jonas having cracked open a cooler of beers as soon as things were set. 

"Who died and made you king?" Carlos teases before taking a swig. Abdi snickers into his own beer. It's a familiar joke. The four of them had once called him "King David" for a week straight for his bossy tendencies. David had not been amused.

"Well without me you idiots wouldn't even have a tent to sleep in, in the first place." David scoffs. And it's true. Sometimes it's like David is the only one in their friend group with a working brain. Matteo often jokes and says David's only friends with them out of pity. Once, when things we're bad, Matteo might have feared that to be true. But not anymore. He can tell by the way David grins, all gums and teeth and squinty eyes. 

"Thats fair," Jonas shrugs, and the topic is quickly dropped in exchange for sharing dumb high school stories. 

Matteo is a little hung up on it the entire night however. The idea of sharing a tent, alone, with David makes him feel hot and anxious. The alternating waves of panic and excitement make him feel slightly ill. And the whole thing is ridiculous really, all they'll be doing is sleeping next to each other. It shouldn't be anything to get worked up over. But knowing that logicly and knowing it for real are two different things entirely. Matteo takes a long pull from his beer while watching David. The fire throws his face in dancing light and shadow as he laughs. Truly captivating. David smiles brightly at him from across the flames. Matteo can feel his face heat, and it has nothing to do with the campfire.

He tries to listen to their conversations, to keep up with the banter and the stories and the jokes. But by the time the fire is nothing more than smoldering embers and the boys are a little more than just tipsy, Matteo realises he hasn't contributed at all. He hadn't been able to. His mind already in the tent with David. Thankfully it seems his commentary wasn't sorely missed anyway. A perk of being one of the quieter ones in the group. It doesn't raise too many red flags when he's too caught up in his own thoughts to speak. 

David makes sure the fire is all the way out while Jonas helps a fairly drunk Abdi into their tent. Carlos follows them shortly after, leaving Matteo and David alone in the night air. Matteo watches for a moment as David puts out the coals before turning towards their own tent. He grabs his backpack and unzips the tent flap, throwing his things in hazardously and crawling in after it. He's quick to change into a pair of sleep pants and t shirt, wadding up his dirty clothes and shoving them into his bag along with his clean ones. Matteo is laying out their sleeping bags, side by side, when David enters. He zips the tent closed, the sound of it so loud in Matteo's ears. Matteo swallows thickly.

David turns on a tiny little battery powered lamp that he brought, always so prepared. The light throws everything into an orange glow. For a second Matteo wants to make shadow puppets with his hands, but he lets the childish thought go. He's too paralyzed with anticipation. Anticipation for what, he's not entirely sure. 

Matteo can't help but watch as the other boy goes through his things. So much more organized than his own. When David looks up, sleepwear in hand, Matteo feels caught.

"Would you mind turning around for a second? I um- I have to take off my binder." David says, voice low. Matteo blushes and nods, turning to face the opposite direction. He sits, criss cross on his sleeping bag, staring at the tarp wall as David changes. Matteo feels a little warm all over.

While David changes Matteo thinks about binders. He thinks about the first time he found out what they were for, having gone down a google rabbit whole after David came out to him as trans. It wasn't too long ago, and happened as a result of Matteo's own coming out. 

After finally coming to accept the truth, that he was 100% completely gay, Matteo dumped Sara. He could have gone about it better, he knows that. Texting her right before class was a really shitty thing to do. But Matteo has never been good at speaking up and expressing himself. Words were hard. And truthfully he didn't really stop to think about how she would feel, too high off the idea of coming clean. So he had texted her. Sara did not take it well. 

He had come out to Jonas the same day after school. And when he asked 'is there a boy?', Matteo lied and said no, no not really. Because he didn't know how to say that he was half in love with David. Before Matteo had a chance to come out to the other guys however, it seemed Leonie, Sara's best friend, had done it for him. She had started telling everyone at school that the two had broken up because Matteo was gay. It wasn't a lie. And it wasn't surprising that she came to that conclusion, seeing as Matteo could barely fake interest any time he kissed Sara before. But it still kind of sucked. 

When Matteo told the boys that yes, the rumors were true, they took it extremely well. But strangely David was also pissed. He didn't speak to Leonie or Sara for a whole week. Their status as gym buddies was completely on hold, all because of Matteo. And when Leonie came up to him with a curt apology during lunch one day, he knew it was all to get back into David's good graces. He accepted the apology nonetheless. He knew how hard it must have been for her, what with their less than sparkling history.

_ "Why?" Matteo had asked David the same day, plopping himself down at their normal lunch table. He knew David had seen the exchange from across the room. The other boy couldn't hide his own small triumphant smile.  _

_ "Why what?" David answered, going for casual and not missing by much. Good thing Matteo knew him so well. _

_ "You know Leonie only apologised because you wanted her too. But why? It's not like she did anything to you." Matteo said, pulling apart his sandwich with his fingers. David frowned, and looked at Matteo like he was stupid. It wasn't an uncommon look.  _

_ "Because you're my friend and what she did was messed up." His voice was firm, no room for argument. Like these were obvious facts. _

_ "And besides," David continued, looking down at his own food. "I know what it's like. To be outed like that."  _

_ Matteo stilled. The words rolled over in his head a few times. He tried to understand the shape of them, their meaning.  _

_ "You do?" Matteo whispered. Their eyes met again, and David nodded. _

_ "I'm trans," David stated quietly, voice shaking just a bit. "Things weren't great at my old school, after everybody found out." _

_ Matteo wanted to cover David's hand with his own. To still its trembling and smooth the crease from between his eyes. He wanted to comfort him, somehow. Instead he gave a small smile and said 'Ok. Thank you for telling me," and they ate their lunches in comfortable silence until the rest of the boys joined them. _

Now Matteo waits in the relative silence of the tent, fidgeting a little with his pant leg. He hears every move and breath David takes. His skin prickles with it.

"Ok, you can turn around now." David mutters finaly.

When Matteo faces him again he's wearing an oversized t shirt and sleep pants. He clicks the small lamp off, plunging them into darkness. The two shuffle around a bit, getting comfortable in their sleeping bags. When Matteo is settled he breathes out his nose, long and slow. 

"Is that why you wanted to share a tent with me?" Matteo whispers, too afraid to raise his voice any louder. Afraid to spook David. "Because the other boys don't know?" 

David takes a minute before answering. Matteo is afraid he didn't hear him, or that maybe he's already asleep somehow. He keeps his mouth clamped shut, completely still in his sleeping bag. 

"That was one of the reasons, yeah." David finally answers before turning over on his side, back facing Matteo. 

"Goodnight Matteo." He breathes.

"Goodnight." Matteo manages to croak back, squeezing his eyes shut.

_ One of the reasons. _ Matteo doesn't know what to make of that. And he doesn't want to hope. 

* * *

When Matteo wakes up he's alone. David's sleeping bag is empty and the sun is attempting to pierce the confines of the tent. Matteo sits up with a groan, and his back gives a satisfying crack when he stretches. Everything's sore from sleeping on the hard ground. Matteo's sure he's never missed his bed more than in this moment. Not bothering to change just yet, Matteo crawls out of the tent still in his pjs. He squints against the harsh morning sun with a frown. 

"Good morning sleeping beauty!" Carlos shouts as Matteo emerges. He, Jonas, and David are sitting around the remients of last nights fire. They're all in their swim trunks already. And far too chipper for the ungodly hour.

"Here, I made breakfast." Jonas jokes as he tosses Matteo a granola bar. The catch is fumbled but the prize is his all the same. He sits down where he is, on the ground in front of the tent, and rips into the package immediately. The whole thing is eaten in one go, no stopping to breathe in between bites. 

"Where's Abdi?" Matteo asks around a mouthful of chocolatey granola. He shields his eyes from the sun with a raised hand and looks up at his friends. 

"Still sleeping. It's a miracle that you weren't the last one up. I mean it's even before noon. What have you done with our Matteo?" David teases, flashing a smirk. He looks good in his dark blue swimsuit and black t shirt. Matteo swallows the last of the food still in his mouth with a cough and a muffled 'fuck off' aimed at David. 

"Yeah well, Abdi did get kinda drunk last night." Carlos says, shaking his head fondly. It can be hard not to be fond when Abdi is concerned, even when that fondness is coupled with exasperation. Like with a puppy who's not fully trained yet.

"We were planning on swimming." Jonas says, stating the obvious. "You should go get in your suit dude."

"And I'll wake up the lush." Carlos adds, heading for their tent.

"Aren't you supposed to wait thirty minutes after eating to go swimming?" Matteo mutters. He could have sworn he's heard that from somewhere. 

"Shut up and go get changed loser." David laughs while shaking his head. Matteo obliges, but not before sticking out his tongue childishly.

Matteo changes quickly and swallows his medicine dry. He joins the boys back outside. A blurry eyed but suited up Abdi is dragged out into the world not long after by Carlos. The boys race to the water's edge, beach towels in hand, laughing and goading each other the entire way. Abdi trails behind, still fuzzy with sleep. David and Carlos make it there first. They throw down their belongings and run straight in, sending up huge splashes of water as they dive head first.

Matteo is more cautious, the water is still freezing cold even though the air is hot. He slowly enters the lake, letting his legs acclimate to the temperature. That is until Jonas jumps on him from behind, sending them both face first into the ice cold water. Matteo resurfaces, sputtering and swearing. Jonas laughs loud and obnoxious, and Matteo tackles him in return.

At first Matteo is nervous one of the boys will say something about David wearing his shirt into the water. He wouldn't know how to react if they did. Too afraid that if he got defensive on David's behalf that it would only make things worse, but if he said nothing at all he would feel like a shit friend. Thankfully no one says anything about it and David goes on swimming in piece. Or as much piece as one can hope for when hanging out with a bunch of morons. 

The five of them spend hours swimming and splashing and dunking one another under water like little children. They even play chicken- Matteo on David's shoulders and Abdi on Jonas', Carlos refereeing. Matteo and David win, knocking Abdi over and back into the water with a shout. They gloat about it until Abdi starts another splash fight, completely fed up with their poor rendition of 'we are the champions'. When David begins challenging the boys to a swimming race, Matteo retreats to land, sleepy and worn out. 

He dozes, laying on his towel on the grassy bank. After a while Matteo can feel his skin begin to cook, but he's far too lazy to apply sunscreen. Instead he flirts with the edges of a dream. Matteo's half asleep when something blocks the sun from behind his eyelids. Fat cold water droplets begin to rain down and shock him fully awake. Matteo cracks open his eyes to see David standing over him, still soaked from head to toe. As soon as their eyes meet David drops the tube of sunscreen onto Matteo's stomach unceremoniously, causing the latter to emit a soft 'oof' of surprise. 

"Asshole," Matteo mutters as David flops down next to him, grass sticking to his wet body instantly. 

"Don't want that pretty little face of yours burning now do we?" David shoots back, smiling teasingly. Matteo's face does begin to burn, but in a different way, from David's words instead of from the sun's rays. He looks away and hopes the other boy will mistake his blushing cheeks for the beginning of a sunburn. Matteo slathers white sunblock onto his face in attempts to cover it. David shakes his wet hair out as Matteo applies more cream to his arms and stomach, getting water all over. Matteo elbows him in retaliation before capping the tube with a snap.

"Do you want me to get your back?" David asks. Matteo pauses, and looks at him for a moment. David raises an eyebrow, a challenge. Matteo shrugs and throws him the sunscreen. 

He sits up and turns his back to face his friend, eyes going to the other boys in the water. They're still racing by the looks of it, paying no attention to anything beyond the lake. He hears David uncap the tube and anticipation grows in the pit of his stomach. Like he's on a roller coaster about to take off, instead of waiting for one of his best friends to help him apply sunscreen. It's ridiculous.

Matteo flinches slightly at the first contact, shocked by the cold of the cream. By the suddenness of it. He mutters a low 'sorry' for scaring David's hands away with his movement. When they return again Matteo's eyes flutter shut.

They're gentle, David's hands. He works the cream into Matteo's skin in soft passes. Thumbs pressing into muscle, and palms soothe the press. When they reach his waist Matteo nearly gasps. He bites down on his lip to keep the sound in. He can feel his skin go hot all over. Matteo can't believe how this feels, how touch starved he must be. All the boys are rather physically affectionate with one another, but this is different. This is...tender.

When David is done, his hands fall away and he clears his throat. Matteo's eyes flutter open again. Neither of them say anything, they just lay back down, side by side. They lay there silently as Davids clothes dry from the beating sun. It's not an uncomfortable silence, but it's heavy with something Matteo can't name. 

He listens to every intake of breath, skin still tingling. Matteo wants to reach out. Wants to bump shoulders, to grab the other boys hand, to throw one of his legs over David's. He wants so badly to be closer in every way. To not let the moment they just shared disappear in the silence between them. And he almost does. But the spell is broken when the three other boys join them from the water, complaining about being hungry. David gets up, leading them back to the campsite, and the moment is gone. 

Matteo lays there for a minute more, hands digging into the dirt, pulling up grass between his fingers. Then he follows, helpless to do anything else.

Not long after, the boys are all full and content from their late lunch / early dinner. Abdi is laying down on the ground, patting his stomach theatrically. They're all more than happy to do nothing right now, tired from so much swimming. It's the most exercise Matteo has gotten in a while. Hadn't had much time for bike rides or footy games during the end of the school year, what with retake exams and all. His muscles are pleasantly sore.

The soft breeze feels nice on Matteo's overheated skin. He's leaning his head against Jonas' shoulder and sipping at a beer leisurely.

"We should go hiking tomorrow," David announces, breaking the relative silence. All the other boys make sounds of agreement, but Matteo pulls a face and groans unhappily. For a long while Matteo would follow David anywhere without question, and deep down he knows this time won't be much different. But still.  _ Hiking?  _

"We're camping for fucks sake Luigi," Jonas says while cuffing him on the back of the head lightly. "What else did you think we were gonna get up to?"

Which ok, fair.

"Ugh, fine." Matteo relents with a frown.

David is smiling at him now. It's one of his indulgent smiles. Like; 'oh Matteo what am I going to do with you?'. A soft smile, just for him. Matteo likes that smile. But he doesn't want David to know that. Doesn't want him to know his smiles make Matteo feel warm and gooey like melted caramel inside. So he pulls another face and rolls his eyes. David just goes on smiling.

That night, when the suns been gone for hours and the heat has finally started to die, the boys stumble back into their tents. Matteo and David change into their pajamas quickly, backs facing each other. They get into their sleeping bags and David turns out the light. They say their goodnights, but Matteo can't sleep. His mind is too busy thinking about beginnings. 

Matteo remembers the first time he ever spoke to David. He had seen him at school more than once. David had a class with Jonas after all. One that Matteo would sometimes crash for no other reason than he didn't want to be in his own class at the time. And he wasn't sure why, but one day when he saw David alone in the halls during last period, Matteo asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with him. 

_ The relative stranger looked at Matteo for a beat with raised eyebrows. He considered the offer for a moment and then shrugged. _

_ "Sure, ok." The boy answered and Matteo grinned, inclining his head to follow. _

_ After an exchange of names, Matteo brought David to a relatively abandoned hallway near the back of the building to light up. There was nothing around but a supply closet. It was a place Matteo had gotten high several times before and never caught once. And everyone was still in class after all.  _

_ They made not so small talk, about Detroit of all places, while they smoked. They stayed even after the last bell rang, Matteo just lit up another one and they kept on talking. David was intriguing and mysterious in a way that made Matteo want to know him better. To know everything about him. Before he could even think to ask a tenth of the questions sitting on his tongue, Jonas happened upon them.  _

_ "Mr. Florenzi I've been looking all over for you!" Jonas called, loud voice bouncing against the walls and down the empty corridor. "Are you getting high without me?"  _

_ Matteo shrugged. He felt a little like he was cheating on Jonas in that moment, guilty in a way that didn't make sense. But Jonas was smiling, so that was all that mattered. _

_ "Sup, I'm Jonas," He greeted as he reached the two boys.  _

_ "I know. We have class together." David deadpanned, and Matteo wanted to smack himself in the face with the palm of his hand. Jonas didn't look put off however, just went on grinning as he threw an arm around Matteo's shoulders. Matteo's skin tingled at every point of contact. It was probably just the weed, had to be. _

_ "This is David," Matteo supplied for Jonas, handing over the shrinking joint. _

_ "Oh that's chill. Hey Matteo you're still coming to mine yeah? I gotta kick your ass at FIFA remember." Jonas teased after taking a long pull. He went to tug Matteo down the hall with him before he stopped and turned fully towards David.  _

_ "You wanna come bro?" Jonas asked, and Matteo couldn't quite believe it. It wasn't like he knew Davd. But they shared a joint and a few words, so maybe that was enough.  _

_ Even weirder than Jonas' offer was David accepting with a nod. And the three boys made their way out of the school with smoke in their lungs and silly grins on their faces. _

Matteo sits in the silence of the tent and thinks about how beginnings aren't always so obvious. Sometimes they creep up on you. David creeped up on him. It was a slow thing. And before Matteo even noticed, it wasn't just JonasandMatteo anymore. It was Jonas and Matteo and David and Carlos and Abdi and all the girls. But the thought scares him. Because if beginnings can be slow creeping things, then endings can be too. Maybe beginnings and endings can come and go without someone noticing till long after their done and gone. It's late but Matteo's mind won't shut up, and the fear grows like an infestation.

"David?" Matteo whispers, terror choking him all of a sudden. He regrets the word as soon as it's left his mouth. David doesn't answer right away. Matteo listens to the boys breathing and holds his own breath, shoulders going rigid. Matteo half hopes David's asleep already. Because he's not entirely sure what he plans to say.

"Yeah?" David finally whispers back, and Matteo breaths again. 

"Sorry," Matteo mutters, and he is. "Were you asleep?"

David turns on his side, facing Matteo, and says 'no'. There's silence again. Matteo knows he should say something, he started this after all. Should have just let David go to sleep and suffered on his own. He feels selfish and guilty.

"Is everything ok?" David asks, his voice kind.

"I'm scared," Matteo admits despite himself. He sounds idiotic. Like a child. Embarrassment mixes with the fear in his gut. He feels sick with it. He wants to puke.

More silence.

"Of what?" David wonders. Matteo's eyes adjust to the darkness and he can see David's face pinched with concern. 

And that's the question isn't it. But Matteo doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know how to explain it. He doesn't know how to explain that he's ashamed of taking a gap year. That while yes he's doing ok right now, he knows in his bones it's only temporary. That he needs to see a therapist and take pills and figure out what he wants to do with his life and he feels like he's so far behind everyone else. That he's absolutely terrified all the people he loves will forget about him now that they're onto bigger and better things. That he's scared of endings.

He doesn't know how to say any of that, no yet. So he stays quiet.

David's quiet too, but he shuffles his sleeping bag closer. In the dark, he reaches out and grabs one of Matteo's hands that's curled up into a tight fist. David's hand is cool. His thumb moves back and forth, softly across the other boys knuckles. Matteo can feel something unfurl in him with every soft stroke. He unclenches his fist and relaxes his shoulders.

"The future. I'm scared of the future." Matteo finally answers the question, voice so small and pathetic. David's thumb pauses for only a moment before starting up again. Back and forth, back and forth.

"It gonna be ok. You can worry about the future in the morning." David says, and the words are oddly comforting. "Now is time for sleep."

Matteo breathes a long drawn out sigh. He closes his eyes again slowly. He breathes and tries not to think too much. And falls asleep with David's hand over his own. A comfort, an anchor.

* * *

Matteo is awoken by a soft shake on his shoulder and a bright 'good morning'. He cracks an eye open to see David leaning over him with a smile on his stupidly attractive face. David's hair falls artfully into his eyes and his voice is much too chipper for the morning. It's infuriating.

"Go without me," Matteo groans. The ground might not be comfy but its still preferable to hiking.

"We gotta get out there before it gets too hot. I'm gonna give you ten minutes to get ready. If your not up by then i'm coming in here to drag you out by your ankles Mr. Florenzi." David states, ignoring Matteo's comment completely. He smacks a wet kiss on Matteo's forehead and is gone again, leaving Matteo in the tent alone. 

Matteo grumbles to himself and wipes the spit away with his arm. He will absolutely not allow the patronising smooch mean anything more than it really does. His heart isn't strong enough for that. Matteo changes, takes his meds, and steals the tube of toothpaste out of David's duffle bag. He's out of the tent in 6 minutes, record time. 

All the boys are ready and looking far too excited. David must have woken him last so he couldn't get too much complaining in. Matteo runs his toothbrush across his teeth and tongue quickly and steals a water bottle out of Jonas's hands despite his squawking protest. Matteo takes a swig and swishes it around before spitting the water and toothpaste mixture out onto the ground. He hands the bottle back to Jonas with a shit eating grin. 

"Charming." David says sarcastically. 

Matteo snickers and turns to throw his toothbrush back into the tent with the rest of his things. When he returns again David shoves a drawstring bag into his hands. 

"I even packed for you and everything. Some granola bars and water and stuff." David says with pink cheeks. His cheeks are always so pink, its distracting. Matteo wants to touch them. 

"Thanks dude," Matteo says, pulling a granola bar out and throwing the bag on around his shoulders. It tastes funny after brushing his teeth, but it still feels good filling up his empty stomach. 

"Cool, are we ready to go?" Carlos asks, practically jumping in place like an impatient child. Jonas looks over to Matteo with raised eyebrows, a look on his face that says 'you good?'. Matteo shrugs and rolls his eyes. Jonas must take this as a confirmation of sorts because he turns around and starts walking towards the trees.

A wide trail marked by a large boulder starts at the tree line. It's carpeted by fallen leaves and seems well kept, no fallen branches or overgrown bushes in the way. The trees grow tall around them, granting partial shade from the warm morning sun. Matteo can hear the steady fall of the boys shoes, crunching leaves under foot, and the occasional call of birds. It's actually quite peaceful. Not that he'll admit that freely.

Abdi and Carlos are leading the pack further and further down the path and into the thick wood. Jonas and David stay towards the middle, in no rush, and Matteo brings up the rear. He watches as the rest of the boys chat and tease each other with a soft smile on his face. He's not really in the mood to participate in the banter, but it's nice to see his friends all together and goofing off. Last night, in the dark and quiet, it was easy to fear the ending of this. Of their tight friendship. But now, seeing their easy comradery unfold in the light of day, it's clear that an ending is nowhere in sight. And Matteo is ready to fight to keep it that way. 

After a while, Jonas falls back in step with Matteo. They smile at each other, watching as Carlos attempts to trip Abdi up ahead. Matteo chuckles as Carlos goes down, somehow managing to trip himself instead. Jonas shakes his head in exasperation and nudges Matteo with his elbow.

"Not so bad huh?" Jonas says, gesturing vaguely. Matteo rolls his eyes because yeah, it's pretty clear he's not having the worst time right now. There would be a lot more complaining if he wasn't at least kind of enjoying himself.

"Well Kristen will be pleased when I tell her at least." Matteo says, not giving Jonas the satisfaction by saying he actually might like hiking. Jonas smiles at him knowingly anyway, but doesn't comment.

Kristen is Matteo's therapist who he's been seeing for about a month now. And it's true, she will be pleased. She was absolutely thrilled when he first mentioned the camping trip to her a few sessions ago. Kristen's always on him to go outside and get more exercise, says it will be good for his depression. 

"It might sound silly, but a little sun can do wonders for the mood." She had said on one of their first visits together. It didn't sound silly, Matteo knew the basic science behind it, but it did sound hard. It was always difficult to get outside and be active when he was already down. It was only easier when he was already feeling good. Thankfully David had been there during those harder times to pester him into going exploring and bike riding. Maybe the next time Matteo needed a kick in the pants David could suggest hiking again, or at least a short walk.

Matteo watches as David stops and leans down to pick up a rock. He turns it over in his hands a few times before sticking it in his pocket and continuing on again. It's something David does a lot, picking up small mementos wherever he goes. A sugar packet from a small diner the two found together, an old rusty cog from the abandoned pool they like to break into, a rock from a camping trip. Matteo wonders what he does with them all, his little treasures. 

They walk for awhile. The trail is mostly at a steady incline, and Matteo's legs start to burn a little from it. He's not bothered till he remembers they'll have to turn around and walk all the way back. This isn't a one way trip after all. Before he can open his mouth to complain however, David suggests they turn around and start heading back to camp. No one has any objections, and they do an about face, Matteo now leading the group.

Walking down hill makes things a little easier, but Matteo is still tired and sore all the same. He tries to trudge along, but it's slow going, and soon he's at the back of the pack again. David slows down to match his pace but doesn't say anything. Matteo is grateful for it. He's not much up for teasing at the moment, just focusing on moving one foot in front of the other. Christ, he really is out of shape. Though he had never really had a shape to fall out of in the first place.

The other boys are chatting happily about the thought of lunch when Matteo sees it. A stump, perfect for sitting, just up ahead. He picks up the pace a little bit and sits as soon as he reaches it. He sighs contentedly when he's off his feet again. David eyes him, and then the other boys, and then back again. He stops next to Matteo and puts his hands on his hips.

"You ok?" David asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'll catch up." Matteo answers, taking off his bag and rummaging around in it. David doesn't take that as an invitation to walk on ahead. He stays where he is and watches as the three other boys disappear around a bend. 

"You know we're only like 5 minutes away from camp right?" He asks. Instead of answering Matteo takes a long pull of his water before capping it and putting it away again. He does know. But that doesn't make him any less tired in this moment.

"Well, you don't have to wait for me." Matteo finally says with a shrug. David gives him a long look before he seemingly decides on something. He takes off his own bag and throws it at Matteo. Matteo lets out a surprised yelp, but it doesn't hurt, the bag is mostly empty anyway. 

He watches, confused, as David turns his back to him and crouches slightly. His arms come out behind him and make a vague gesture that Matteo doesn't understand. 

"What?" Matteo asks, voice laced with both confusion and amusement. David looks at him over his shoulder and rolls his eyes.

"I can't leave you alone in the woods, but I also can't let the guys start cooking on their own. They could burn down our entire camp." David explains.

"Uh huh," Matteo answers, amusement winning out.

"So hop on loser!" David huffs, and it finally clicks. 

A piggyback ride. David wants to give him a piggyback ride. A slow grin overtakes Matteo's face and he giggles. This isn't something he can just pass up, because lord knows when the opportunity will arise again. He stands and throws David's drawstring bag on over his own. Stifling more giggles he does as he's told and gets on David's back.

It takes some work, Matteo's not entirely sure how to go about it, but eventually he's up. It's a little awkward considering they're nearly the same height, but it works. Matteo is draped all over David's back, arms locked around his shoulders as not to fall. David's hands grip Matteo's thighs to hoist him up a little further. Matteo can feel a bright blush crawl up his throat and settle in his cheeks. But he's still grinning. 

David groans out a 'jesus, fatty'. But he doesn't falter. He begins to walk and doesn't show any signs of struggle. Matteo's chin rests on David's shoulder. His skin is slightly sweaty, but it's ok, they both are. Matteo can smell the salty skin of his neck, and feel every movement he makes. It's like he's breathing David in. Matteo could get high off of him.

It takes longer than 5 minutes. Piggybacks are slow going. But soon they can see the clearing between the trees. Matteo tells David to let him down. He'll never hear the end of it if the boys see David let's him down, but Matteo stumbles right back into him. His legs feel like jelly, and he's pretty sure it's not because of the walk. Matteo mutters a 'sorry' and a 'thanks' in the same breath. 

David helps right Matteo again, hands on his shoulders, fingers spread wide. Their eyes lock for a moment. There's a red hue staining both of the boys cheeks. Matteo chalks it up to exertion and the heat. Matteo shoves David playfully to break whatever tension there is. They both laugh and continue on towards the camp. 

After a late lunch of hotdogs that Matteo helps cook over a fire David made sure got started safely, the boys decide to do some more swimming. They swim and play and goof off till the sun begins to set and the air begins to cool. They dry off and have dinner before they can get too cold, the lot of them pruned and tired and happy. They hang around the fire and drink and listen to Jonas play the guitar. Making the most of their last night here.

Matteo's face begins to feel sore from grinning and his stomach aches from laughing so much. He's content in a way that he doesn't often feel. Like he's full of helium, floating amongst the clouds. All because of his friend's, the people that he loves. 

It's not a fix. It doesn't cure him of his depression and anxiety. Matteo knows that. But it's something. And in this moment he allows himself to feel happy.

They're all laughing while Abdi retells the story of how he accidentally set fire to his bed, and in a panic decided to put out the flames with his own piss. It's one they've heard a million times but still never gets old. He's getting to the best part- his mother barging in to check on the racket and seeing Abdi peeing all over his bedding- when the rain starts. It's slow at first, and it gives the boys time to swear and gather their things. But soon the sky opens up and things turn torrential. Matteo can hear Abdi yelling about God pissing all over them to put their fire out as they dive into their tents. 

They scramble over each other in their haste to get inside. Matteo's pretty sure he accidentally elbows David right in the ribs, but he's still laughing anyway. Matteo switches on the lamp and turns to smile at a giggling David. He's stunning, even soaked. His face stretched in a wide grin and his hair wild. The fabric of his t-shirt and shorts cling to his wet skin. And as beautifully distracting as that visual is, it makes something dawn on Matteo.

"Oh shit," Matteo curses with a soft laugh. 

"What?" David half gasps around a laugh, finally collecting himself.

"We left all of our towels out there." Matteo can picture them now, hung up on the branches of a tree to dry off after swimming. Well they won't be getting dry any time soon. And it seems neither will David or Matteo.

"Oh shit," David parrots, pushing his wet hair from his eyes. Then he shrugs in a 'what can you do' kind of fashion, smile still playing on his lips despite it all.

The boys quickly change into dryer clothes, backs turned to each other. The new shirt instantly becomes damp from Matteo's wet skin, but it's better than nothing. They climb into their respective sleeping bags and David clicks off the light. When they go quiet save for their breathing. Shouts and laughter can be heard from the other tent. Matteo snickers when he hears a long and drawn out 'shhh' from Jonas. The other boys quiet down marginally and their noise is drowned out by the sound of the rain.

Matteo closes his eyes but quickly realizes sleep will be an effort to achieve tonight. The air has gone cold, much colder than it should be in the summer. With his hair still soaked through and his skin still damp, Matteo begins to shiver. He just can't seem to get warm. Silently he curses himself for not bringing more layers. 

"Hey Matteo?" David asks, breaking Matteo from his brooding. 

"Yeah?" Matteo answers, turning his face towards Davids, seeing only an outline in the dark. His teeth begin to chatter. Ridiculous. 

David shuffles around and sits up. Matteo can hear the tell tale noise of a zipper being undone. 

"Come here," David orders. "Im cold."

"Huh?" Matteo balks, sitting up himself.

"I'm cold. And we can share body heat. Come here." David explains slowly. Matteo can feel his cheeks burn in the dark. It makes sense, logicly. Matteo takes a quiet, shuddering breath. It doesn't mean anything, just two bros keeping each other warm. Right.

Matteo unzips his own sleeping bag and scoots over. It's a tight fit, but he squeezes in next to David. Their feet tangle in the bottom of the sleeping bag and their shoulders press close together. Matteo feels warmer already, but he's not sure how much of that in due to the heavy blush crawling across his body. It's all a little damp, both boys still wet from the rain, but it's far from unpleasant. He can hear David's breathing, so close in his ear.

"Goodnight." David whispers softly. Matteo can only hear it over the rain because he's practically on top of the other boy. He hums back, contented now that he's warm, and closes his eyes. 

It takes a long time to fall asleep. Not because of the cold now, but because every point of contact is alight. Matteo's skin buzzes and it feels as if he's slowly burning from the inside out. His heart is aglow, everything warm and golden. Matteo wants to put this feeling in a jar to keep with him to open up when he's feeling his lowest. He wants to always sleep like this, pressed tight against David. He knows it's not possible, but will take what he can get. 

Eventually the sound of Davids steady breathing puts Matteo to sleep, a smile stretched across his lips. 

* * *

Matteo is being spooned. It's the first thought he has when he wakes up. Or well, not exactly. The very first thought he has is a vague feeling of warmth and contentment. The second is that he doesn't want to be awake yet, sleep calling to him and threatening to take over again. The third. The third is spooning.

The realization makes his eyes pop open and he tries not to stiffen. Davids arms are thrown around his middle, keeping him hostage even in sleep. Their backs are glued flush together, and their legs are tangled up. Matteo can hardly tell where he ends and David begins.

He lays there, uncertain what to do. Matteo doesn't want to move and wake up David, too afraid of making things awkward. So he stays still, and forces his body to relax again one muscle at a time. Everything is far too warm now, skin prickling with sweat. But he's fine with slowly sweltering just to keep this moment. This near perfect moment.

Matteo closes his eyes again, pretending that this is real between them. That David is his, that he's allowed to want this. Matteo remembers the first and only other time David has held him this way. When things got really bad.

_ Matteo laid in bed, crushed with guilt and self loathing. He wished his heavy blankets would smother him to death. He wished he had the energy to even stand up to find his weed. He wished to fall asleep, for relief if only for a moment. _

_ The day before Matteo had blown up on his friends. They had come to him, trying to help, suggesting therapy. Because unfortunately coming out hadn't fixed everything. And for a while he could feel himself slowly spirling, the end of school loomed over him.  _

_ Matteo had screamed in their faces to leave him alone. After yelling and throwing things all his anger and fight quickly left him. He had smoked up and gotten into bed. And he hadn't left that spot.  _

_ That's how David had found him, curled up on his side, staring unseeing at his bedroom wall. He didn't react when his bedroom door opened. He had been sure it was Hans, peeking in before leaving him again. But even so, shock couldn't cut through his quiet despair when his bed dipped under someone else's weight.  _

_ "You weren't at school." David spoke, voice betraying nothing. No accusation, no pity. _

_ Matteo didn't speak, he didn't know if he could. The last words he had uttered had been loud and brash and hurtful. The guilt gnawed at his stomach.  _

_ The bed creaked under David as he moved closer and laid down. Tentatively, he scooted up against Matteo, his arms going around the other boys middle. Matteo's back tensed, but he didn't fight against it. He couldn't, he had been so tired. _

_ "It's gonna be ok Matteo, I promise." David whispered, mouth brushing Matteo's ear.  _

_ Matteo's eyes clenched shut, but he couldn't stop the tears from escaping. His body shook with the silent sobs, and David's arms tightened, like he was keeping Matteo together by sheer will alone. They laid there like that, David holding all the pieces of Matteo in place, for hours. Matteo knew he must have smelled, having not showered for such a long time. But David never complained. And Matteo dozed on and off in his arms. _

_ Feelings, good ones, slowly seeped into his skin. Like osmosis. Matteo took David's strength. _

Now David nuzzles into Matteo neck and makes the most adorable snuffling sounds. Matteo holds his breath as David slowly wakes up. He squeezes Matteo tight one last time before untangling himself.

"Morning," David says with a groan, stretching his arms over his head. Not the least bit fazed by waking up and finding himself snuggling his friend. Ever the picture of calm and casual. Matteo clears his throat, no use in pretending to be asleep now. Still he sits up with an exaggerated stretch and rubs at his eyes like he's only just waking up. 

"G'morning," Matteo mutters back, hoping against hope that the blush has subsided completely.

"Do you know what time we're leaving?" Matteo asks. Not that the actual time matters much. His phone died ages ago and even David's, who was smart enough to bring a portable charger, lost the last of its charge late last night. Maybe Matteo should invest in a watch.

"No idea. We can ask Jonas." David answers back. Matteo doesn't bother to change, all the clothes he's brought with him are at a similar level of dirtiness at this point. But he heads out of the tent to give David some privacy.

It seems they're the first two up. The others still fast asleep in their tent. Matteo ambles over to the tree where their towels are still hanging and attempts to wring some of the water from them. Attempt being the operative word. He mostly just succeeds in getting himself wet again. 

When David emerges they decide to gather up their things to get a head start on packing. Unsurprisingly they're not as productive as they could be. They tease each other and throw things at one another and Matteo shouts when David rubs the wet towels in his face. Not long after Jonas stumbles from his tent with a vaguely panicked look on his face. When he sees its just Matteo and David, now leaning on one another and snorting with laughter, he huffs and shakes his head fondly.

"I thought a bear had come to eat Matteo," Jonas chuckles, running a hand through his curly hair. It's a mess from sleep and the lack of showering, and his fingers get tangled halfway through.

"David is abusing me!" Matteo accuses and shoves David by the shoulder. David laughs and shoves him back, grabbing ahold of Matteo by his upper arm at the last second to keep him from stumbling too far backward. 

"I swear I'm not homophobic but sometimes I hate gay people." Carlos grumbles, crawling out of the tent and looking annoyed at being woken up. David and Jonas both snort and Matteo flips him the bird while grinning cheerfully. 

"Well I figured we could eat something and then pack up to go. I'm not much a fan of driving in the dark." Jonas says.

The group agrees, and after getting Abdi up, they do just that. They scarf down the last of their food, no use in keeping any to spare. And together they bring their belongings to the car in trips. The tents are last. They take less time to disassemble then to put up, but David still needs to be the overseer so nothing gets broken and no one gets hurt. 

While they cram the last of their things into the car, David slips away, saying he's going to take one more pass of the campsite to make sure nothing has been forgotten. A few minutes later and David still hasn't returned, but everything else is put away. The car is ready for departure.

"I'll go grab David." Matteo says and Jonas nods.

It doesn't take him much searching to find him. David is standing at the edge of the lake, looking out across the water. When Matteo approaches, he almost teases about how cliche David looks. The brooding artist staring pensively into the distance. Before the joke can leave his lips however, Matteo notices how tense David looks. When he gets even closer, he sees the wrinkle between his eyebrows, and the frown marring his beautiful lips. Matteo frowns too.

"You ok?" Matteo asks, voice barely a whisper. He comes up next to David, shoulders almost touching. While David watches the water Matteo watches him. He's quiet for a moment before speaking.

"Not really ready to leave yet I guess." David answers. His voice is heavy with something that Matteo can't place. Matteo hums his understanding. The trip was nice. Exactly what they all needed. He's excited for some things back home; electricity, a shower, his bed. But it was good to get away from everything for a while.

"Im scared sometimes too." David speaks again, breaking the short silence."Of the future."

He looks so upset. So small in a way Matteo has never seen before. David doesn't open up easily. And Matteo feels off balance all of a sudden. It's usually him who needs the comforting, not the other way around. He's not good at it. Not good at words. But he wants to help so badly. The same way David helped him in the tent. 

So Matteo reaches out, grabbing hold of David's hand and squeezes. David startles for a second before turning to look back at Matteo. And the weight of it. Of his stare, so brown and deep and sad. It nearly knocks Matteo over. 

But instead of stumbling backward Matteo does something much stupider. He stumbles forward, empty hand going to rest on David's neck. He just wants to wipe away that frown. Matteo watches as David's eyes go from sad to confused. And then he's too close to watch any more. Because then he's kissing him. He's kissing David. He's kissing the sun.

And he's burning. 

Before David can react Matteo rips himself away. Hands dropping, mouths separating. Every inch of his skin hot, on fire, blushing crimson. Matteo's babbling before he can stop himself.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't. I mean it wasn't, it's not-" But he's cut off by Jonas, calling out for them both. And he watches as David's eyes go closed off, cold. David clears his throat and turns mechanically. 

"It's ok Matteo," David says over his shoulder, voice gruff. "I get it. You don't have to apologise." 

Matteo watches as he walks away, back towards the car. He feels helpless all of a sudden. Utterly crushed and confused. He waits a moment before following, body moving on its own. Like he's outside himself, watching everything around him crash and burn, and unable to do anything about it. 

When Matteo reaches the car David is already in the front seat next to Jonas, Carlos and Abdi both asleep on each other in the back. He swallows hard and gets in next to them. The sound of the door slamming shut rings in Matteo's ears. Jonas starts up the car and pulls out onto the road. 

Matteo can feel his throat closing up. He squeezes his eyes shut against the tears that threaten to spill. He works hard to breath while he spirls down, down, down.

It's the longest car ride of Matteo's life. He listens as David and Jonas chat quietly. Like nothing happened. Like the ground isn't cracking open under them. Matteo pretends to sleep. 

Jonas drops Abdi off first, and then Carlos. It's quiet, the three of them left in the car, and Matteo wants to scream. When they reach David's apartment he says a quick goodbye before exiting the car and going to the trunk for his things. Matteo can't unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to speak a word. He doesn't move to get into the front seat, doesn't think his legs could take him that far.

He expects Jonas to start up the car and head off. Instead he watches as David disappears into the building, and then turns around in his seat to look at Matteo. 

"Are you ok dude?" Jonas asks, voice quiet, like he's afraid if he speaks any louder Matteo will shatter. Matteo can't lie. He shakes his head.

"I think I really fucked up." Matteo whispers back, voice wet with unshed tears.

"What happened?" Jonas probes gently, eyes big and concerned. 

"I kissed David." When the words are out there Matteo can't take them back, just like he can't take back the kiss. Jonas doesn't look shocked. He nods, mouth thinning. 

"And then?" Jonas asks. And it's almost cruel. Because what else could have come next. Nothing good. Nothing Matteo didn't expect. 

"And then nothing. I apologised. He said it was ok." Matteo lets out a long sigh. "It's not ok."

"You apologised?" Jonas repeats.

"Yes."

"For kissing him?" And now Matteo is getting angry. But it feels good. The spark of anger, better than the despair.

"Yes for kissing him." Matteo spits back, palms going to press at his eyelids. 

"But you like him." Jonas clarifies and Matteo laughs weakly. 

"Yes I like him." Matteo's voice goes a little wistful. A sigh. He likes him so fucking much.

"I think you should tell him that." States Jonas, and Matteo drops his hands to shoot him a look. Now he's just being ridiculous.

"I'm serious. Go tell him. You don't see the way he looks at you when your not looking Matteo. It's like you hung the moon. So tell him." Jonas says, voice serious but eyes soft. He's smiling a tiny, encouraging smile. Matteo sits there for a moment, brain working on overdrive. 

"Ok." It's not like it can do any more damage than he's already done. David knows now, Matteo just has to say the words. And no matter what happens, Matteo will always have Jonas to help put him back together again.

"Should I wait here for you?" Jonas asks. Matteo's hand pauses on the door handle. He shakes his head.

"It might be best for me to walk home, no matter what happens. To clear my head. But could you drop my shit off at my place?" He already knows Jonas will say yes. He's the most caring person Matteo knows.

"Of course dude. Text me later so I know you're alright, ok?" Jonas says. Matteo nods his agreement before stepping out of the car.

Matteo forces his body to move forward, one step at a time. He climbs the stairs to David's apartment. Legs feeling like cement, heart feeling even heavier. When he reaches the door he swallows thickly. He breathes and counts backward from twenty before raising his fist to knock. It's tentative at first, a quiet rasp of knuckles. But then he hits twice, hard and loud. It takes a moment, and in that time Matteo debates running back down the stairs and all the way back home. 

But then the door swings open. It's Laura, her face pinched in concern. The look smoothes out somewhat when she sees who it is on the other side.

"Oh, Matteo, hi." Laura says, voice kind. She smiles but Matteo can't force himself to smile back.

"Hi Laura. Can I um, can I come in and speak with David?" He asks feeling like he's just seconds away from passing out. Laura turns to look behind her before facing Matteo again.

"He's locked himself in his room. But of course, come in." Laura says while stepping back, leaving the door open for Matteo. She retreats back into apartment somewhere, giving them privacy. Matteo closes the door with a click and slowly snuffles over to David's room. He pauses, counting again, before knocking.

"Laura, I said leave me alone!" David shouts back from behind the door. Matteo grimaces, chest impossibly tight. 

"Um, it's me." Matteo calls back. He's met with silence. He stands there, staring at the wood, searching for patterns in it. There's a long sigh, he's not sure if it's from himself or David. Maybe It's both.

"Look I wanted to talk about what happened." Matteo starts, resting his forehead on the closed door. "Because I know I changed things. With what I did. And I understand if your upset."

Another long breath.

"But I'm not sorry. For kissing you. I couldn't be. Because I've been waiting to do that for forever." He finishes, eyes closed. And now it's out there. Strangely a weight seems to lift from Matteo's shoulders. His last secret, no longer holding him down. 

The sound of the lock clicks, and Matteo takes a step backwards. The door opens, slowly. And David is standing there. He's gorgeous even with that look on his face, Matteo's own personal sun. Their eyes lock, and the tightness in Matteo's chest loosens. 

"You mean it?" David asks slowly. And Matteo nearly laughs.

"Of course I mean it." Matteo says like it's obvious. And it should be. 

Before Matteo knows what's happening, David lunges forward. He grabs Matteo by the face, cradling him, soft even in his urgency. And then their lips meet again. They stumble into David's room. Matteo has enough brainpower still to think to kick the door closed as he follows. Their lips never seperate, warm and incessant and firm. Matteo feels like he's flying straight out into orbit. His stomach swoops.

They only part to breathe before meeting again in the middle. Both stumbling towards Davids bed, unable to stop touching. Matteo's hands go to David's thick hair, David's to Matteo's waist. When they fall onto the sheats, tangled up in each other, they pause. Panting into each others mouths, Matteo can't stop the grin from overtaking his face. But It's ok, because neither can David. 

They lay together, giggling like school children and holding each other close. Matteo presses his forehead to David's and closes his eyes, feeling blissful. Giddy even. 

"I love you." Matteo whispers. And It's probably too fast, way too fast. But it's also been so long. So much pinning and waiting and wanting. So maybe not too fast at all. And It's true anyway, so he says it, not wanting to keep that secret either.

"I love you too." David whispers back, and Matteo's eyes pop open. He wasn't expecting to hear it back, not yet. Warmth rushes through his whole body. Matteo kisses David again because he can. But he breaks of. to giggle some more. David smiles up at him, blinding. 

"What?" David laughs, pushing the hair from Matteo's eyes.

"Kristen is going to flip when I tell her." Matteo answers and David barks out another laugh.

"You talk about me with your therapist?" He asks, hands staying where they are, fingers combing through Matteo's hair. 

"Maybe." Matteo answers with a cheeky grin. David uses his hand to pull him into another kiss, soft and searching. They lay there like that for what could be hours, exploring each other. Kissing and laughing and teasing. Until Matteo remembers he needs to text Jonas, and uses David's charging phone to do so. 

After hitting send Matteo sits back and sighs. David opens his arms in invitation, a soft smile on his tempting lips. But Matteo shakes his head.

"We really need to shower." Matteo states and David groans. 

"Fine," David relents. "But afterwards, more of this?" 

"So much more of this." Matteo agrees with a grin. As if he could want anything else. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments and Kudos are much appreciated!


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